“Giving something without hoping anything”.

Hem…this words  sound nice, but I think it is not easy thing to do. Moreover, in this nowadays materialistic life style. When everything is measured by money. Even, your value is measured by how much money in your hand? Barely, there is something more valuable than money.

Most people including me do something for someone else for hoping get something back from him/her, and unfortunately not everyone get something back for whom they have done. You give a stick to blind man, but He use the stick to cane you. I am very sure, it will make you sad and angry. See on other case, our parent, our mother especially, taking care of us starting from beginning of our life until now. But, what have we done for our parent? However, our mother never hope anything but the goodness of us. That’s perhaps what a sincerity means.

In each single of our time, we will never find a true happiness till there is a sincerity in the bottom of our heart. The more hopes, the more disaffection. If we hope more to our Boss, then we will have more chances to be disappointed by our Boss :D.  The ultimate hope is only Allah. We will never disappoint when we set our destination up only to Allah. Do not be sad, when our kindness, our contributions, our merits are ignored, are forgotten by the others.  Even, appreciations, honors please do not be our goal to do something. Do not be sad, when our hard work, our immolation of times, money, and efforts do not give us a result that make us happy. Trust to Allah. He never sleeps. He will never forget you and He will pay you !

When we have sincerity in the bottom of our heart, the less disapointment at hand, the more happiness at hand. Let’s make a sincerity the spirit of our Life. Let Allah be our final and ultimate  destination.

Have you got problem in your work place? I am sure everyone got it.  But, now I got problem with my Boss. Not serious problem actually, but it really makes me unhappy, makes me confuse, makes me less motivated. So far, I am very happy with my Boss. He is so visionary one, having very good and strong  strategical and managerial  decision making. But, lately, I am barely happy with him.

The root of the problem is all about his ambivalent decision. One time he said  A, in another time he said -A. In one time I know he is a well-planned decision maker, but in another time he is accidental decision maker. For me, it is harder than following Gus Dur thought. Ha ha…….

Here I am telling you what is the matter.

One day, he said to me regarding his vision to make this department to be internationally recognized. He planned this department of  this university will be recognized by south east Asian countries by 2014. To get there, He also placed the ability of students  in mastering international languages (especially English) in the second place of student profile competency better than technical competency in information system. But, when I managed to deliver my lecture in English and when my student starting to enjoy my English class, He managed to stop my English Class. He said it is not the time yet to deliver my lecture in English. Frequently, He warn me to stop my English Class. But, in not long other days, in special moment He awarded me as the best and most favorite  lecturer at this department.

One day, He encouraged me to have international reputation by having international publication. He promised will deliver me all around the world if I can bring this department name. The department will pay me for any international conferences. He convinced me by showing me more than enough unused money in this department. But, when my paper was accepted in IEEE conference, and the payment deadline was approaching. When I was asking whether the department will pay me, He said nothing. He gave me no comments.

One day, I was pointed to be one of organizing committee for national conference held in our department. He warn us to be not money-oriented conference, means that our main purpose is not to gain profit by this conference. But, for academic purpose only. He said, this conference will be fully funded by department and the income from the conference will be saved for enduring fund for this department not to cover the conference expense. Even, happily he will provide 6 blackberries for 3 best oral presenters and 3 poster presenter. But, when the conference is approaching he manage to make the conference expense as minimum as possible. He said we were unsuccessfully gained enough money from conference participants.

I think that’s all make me really confuse. But, I am afraid it is only all about my stupidity to understand well his decision.But, to be honest, it make me less being motivated. It remember me to someone. She is my senior in my department. At the beginning I was here. She did hope me to keep being motivated. She said while reminding me:  it is not easy to keep being motivated here. Now, I just understand what she means.

Hopefully, Tomorrow I will be still  having hopes , because the audacity of hope is the only thing make mo not surrender here !